Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Why I shall not fuck with the wu-tang clan.

Today I decided to come to an informed decision on why I myself will just let the Wu Tang Clan be. For those of you familiar with the Wu Tang Clan, you know by reputation they “aint nothing to fuck with.” I personally have respected this rule for quite some time, the Wu Tang Clan had never been overtly mean or disheartening to my way of life, we both sort of plead ignorance to each other.
However for one group to have an outlying warning, giving others a formal ultimatum they “aint nothing to fuck with.” Well leaving them alone just seems like a smart thing to do. Here is a list of reasons why I shall not fuck with the Wu Tang Clan:

#1. They are a clan: I don’t know if you have ever seen brave heart, but those clans have great organization. I mean if the Wu Tang Clan was able to ally themselves up with say the Wallace’s. I am fairly certain any governmental structure in the area would just have to bow to their will. There would be a mass mooning in front of a parliament structure forming a giant Oreo of asses. Chaos would ensue. The fact that they have taken a step back from organizing into a larger front makes me feel a little appreciative and even less likely to challenge their authority.

#2. I bet they could find out where I lived: Wu Tang Clan fans number in the thousands. If the internet has taught me anything, If I were to ever blog or speak in opposition of the Wu Tang Clan, I would be found within hours and my head would be chopped off. I mean the song itself states they are located in areas all around the united states. I mean shit Detroit is a skip and a jump away. I can well imagine there is a Canadian sect of the Wu Tang Clan which could be outsourced to behead little ol me for my wrongdoings. To long on such facts could lead to many sleepless nights.

#3 Method man has an axe to grind: Lets face it, his career as an actor has not been the greatest. I mean he has done far better than I, but he must be looking for reparations in the form of kneecaps at this point. If someone were to get Method Man into a Don Cheadle kind of role he might be a whole lot more personable to others. Unfortunately this would make him much less threatening. I honestly feel as If I am being watched as I am writing this slight bit of criticism but it is true. Any person who has been type cast in and out of so much shit is bound to snap at the slightest hint of insubordination against the organization he stand’s for. Method man must be a very frustrated with a hair trigger and due to the structure of organization and mob mentality his actions could lead to a feeding frenzy of violence against any oppressor.

#4 They have enough riches to conceal almost any crime.-If RZA wanted me dead he could make a couple phone calls leave some cash In his mailbox and I would be in some dumpster by sundown. The amount of wealth the clan has amassed over the years could silence just about any arm of law enforcement. These gentleman are capable of ruining lives if they are crossed.

#5 I know almost nothing about rap music- As you can probably tell from the majority of this article. I am stabbing wildly into a dark void of understanding on the genre of music the Wu Tang Clan is a part of. It is something unexplainable to me. To judge or speak ill of it would be ill conceived as it is not something I could ever truly understand. I mean I don’t want to pass judgment on the Wu Tang Clan only to be labeled a bigot my by peers. In that case I would not only fuck with the Wu Tang Clan but fuck with my own reputation as well. In that case it’s a superfluous gangbang of fucking, where all sides could simply detract from one another and leave well enough alone.

#6 I like being nice- What the heck ever happened to just being nice to people? I mean tea and crackers, the whole celebrity population is being constantly judged on a day to day basis. The Wu tang clan among them are under the constant glow of the media spotlight and with that pressure do not need one more stressor, the general public, fucking with their shit. With all that media attention and TMZ judging them if they even so much as poop in a public washroom, how badly would they crack if someone like me added to their pile of woes by indeed fucking with them. I wish the Wu Tang Clan well in fact. They have enough things on their plate and certainly do not need more.

#7 They are black- Well some of you knew this was probably going to come. However it is not necessarily for the reason you may have thought. Im not trying to be a racist just hear me out. The problem I face here is depending on how I chose to “fuck” with the Wu Tang Clan. I could be up for charges of a hate crime. I mean depending on my defense I could be labeled as one of those crazy southerners who still lives by the old civil war code. I am trying to be as cut and dry as possible, it is a reason on my list simply because of the extenuating circumstances that may come from me fucking with the Wu tang clan. Lets face it if a lone white man begins to pick on a clan of black men you would come to the same conclusions as many. “oh this guy is a racist asshole, hes fucking with the Wu Tang Clan because they are black.” Horrible assumption and yet another reason to avoid fucking with them.

#8 They have tang in their name- For some reason tang is just a funny word to say. It fits with both the astronaut drink which is cool and tangy and poon tang, which is well very, very cool, confusing and definitely not tangy. I admit it is hard for me not to giggle when I say tang. However this is accomplished when I say something that strikes fear into me like the Wu tang clan.

#9 I feel we have similar interests- Def jam vendetta was pretty fucking tits. Some of Wu Tang Clan are playable characters in this. In fact all nine were featured in an old Playstation game several years ago. Yeah playing these games, and watching the pixilated versions of these men kick many a digital ass on my screen further reinforces that I should not fuck with them. Considering they are into just sitting around playing Playstation and having a good time with friends, yeah I cant really be too uppity about something like that. I mean shit we all hate 50 cent and for that alone I lose my desire to oppose the clan.

I have decided that seeing as I have about 9 reasons that is enough proof for me to never fuck with The Wu tang clan. Treat this examination as both an educational process and a warning. When you are considering fucking with the Wu tang clan read through my findings and heed my warnings, The Wu Tang Clan “aint nothing to fuck with”.


  1. I would never fuck with them, simply because they ARE THE WU TANG CLAN!!

  2. I would be dead right now had I not read this. THANK YOU SO MUCH

  3. LOL good points all of them. I've never been a huge fan of Wu Tang, but their song "Chrome Wheels" is pretty badass.

  4. Yeah, better keep away from them

  5. Wu tang Clan is not to be fucked with.

  6. Hilarious as hell, lmao. I too will not fuck with the wu tang clan. lol.